Friday, May 29, 2009

Next Meeting
The next meeting will be held on Wednesday, June 3, 2009 in the Club meeting room.

Note from The President
Well another month has gone by again. Means we're getting closer to open house.

I would like to thank everyone that is trying to find out more ways to raise funds for the club. More ideas to get the funds up and word of the club out is great thing. Keep up the good work.

Everything seems to be running great and progressing in great speed. Great work to all of

That's all I have to say for this month.

Happy modeling and railroading to all

Mail vs E-mail
With the cost of postage going up 2 cents on the 11th of May, I would like to make a plea to all the snail-mailers that if you can get an e-mail account, it would definitely help the club. Right now it costs roughly $250.00 per year for postage, ink, and paper to get the snail mail editions out. If any of you can get the newsletter emailed to you, it would cut down on these costs.


Library News
Jeff Shockley, Librarian
The cataloging and arranging of the books and magazines continues.

If anyone has any news that they would like to share with the other members, whether it is club news, or news on your home layout, please send it on to me, pictures are welcome too. I will make sure it gets included.

Layout News
All groups report things are progressing smoothly on all the layouts.

O gauge Hi-Rail Division
Gary Burlingame
Well work is almost done in the workroom. Paint booth done and in use. Shelves done (and about full) Track about 50% laid.

Comment was made about some pictures. We have only one member with a digital camera and he’s been out with health problems . Last week (21st) an HO member came up and we talked about this, and he said he had his camera so he took some. So Elmer we got pictures. Please give him credit for them.

Bill Deeter

The other night some of us were talking, and something I said about how to operate a train brought a “Hmmm I didn’t know that” from a couple people. So somehow I will try to put to paper, some of the stuff that I assume everybody knows. I’m not exactly sure where to start but we will give it a try.

I assumed everyone knew that when you pick up your train in staging that you take a minute to check all of your cards match the cars in the train and the caboose as well. What would happen in the real world is the conductor would walk the train and check he has the right paperwork and then on his way back he would check the brakes have released. It also takes a bit of time for the train to get the air pumped up. So what this means for our layout. When you start a train anywhere check that the cards are right and that you have a caboose card. If you’re in a yard and things are not correct call the Yardmaster. If you are in a yard without a Yardmaster call the Dispatcher for instructions and help figuring out why the cards do not match.

I assumed everybody could look at a siding and see how many cars can be loaded or unloaded but maybe not. Pennsboro Power has two unloading tracks; each can only handle 5 cars. They will each hold 6 or 7 but they can’t all be unloaded. Continuing the 5 car theme most of the coal on the layout operates in 5 car blocks because Smith Mining only can load 5 cars per track.

There are many other things like this. So the real point of this is, sometimes I forget to explain certain things. So never be afraid to ask if you want to understand something.

Please join the clubs yahoo group.

It will make a great way to share info and have conversation through out the week and allow everybody to be a part of it. Who knows it may even help with those assumptions!

HO Layout Report
Bill Deeter

Progress is continuing to happen all around the layout. Elmer is expanding the signal and switch crew. Bob and Pike have been hard at work learning the ropes. They are working on both ends of the signaled territory, on the east Parkersburg throat and on the west end West Junction. I can see the main line completely signaled soon. Pretty cool!

Pat has a track plan for Kaiser Aluminum and he has also been working in the shop area with some help from John S. It is really looking good. It will have an extended test track as well as a programming track.

Work on the Wieland valley, Mead Paper, Ray and Moonville continues and much more. Mary has been making some trees so if you need some for where you are working help yourself.

The operating sessions continue. We ran a full session on May 17th with about 17 people present. I think all went well. I was in Parkersburg Yard and really concentrating on it so I didn’t notice much else. Matt did the dispatching chores. Ed had some electrical difficulties in Wieland but hopefully we can get that sorted out by next session.

We could not have been ready for this session if it weren’t for the hard work of Jeff and Pete. They are learning how to stage and did a great job. Jeff is working on the main line staging for Grafton and Cincinnati while Pete set up the Ohio River Sub at Wheeling and Huntington.

The next OPS Session will be Sunday June 21st., hope you can make it. If you would like to help with the staging it would be greatly appreciated. See Jeff, Pete or me. The more people helping the faster it goes.

Important message from the Assistant Treasurer
May 7, 2009

As most of you know, I am the new Assistant Treasurer for the train Club. Bill Shehan recently decided he needed help with the job and I volunteered. Bill will remain as the Treasurer ‘of record’ but I will be doing the day to day grunt work of handling all the receipts, writing all the checks, picking up the mail at the post office and some of the other duties that Bill performed. Bill will continue to handle membership, sit at the head table at the Club meeting with the ‘big wigs’, and give the Treasurer’s Report which I will prepare.

First of all, I believe Bill has done a great job of handling the financial records of the Club. We all should appreciate the work he has been doing for the past couple of years. I do not plan to make any significant changes, but, I thought I would take this opportunity to go over some of the Club procedures, especially in the area of disbursements and also provide insight into other areas. Since the Club has several new members, this message would also serve them well.

Each scale (HO, O, N, and Tinplate) has ‘allocated funds’ which were approved at the January 2009 Club meeting. Funds were also approved for ‘Scenery’ purchases. Each scale has an ‘Approver’ or ‘Lead person’ or ‘Go to person’ or whatever you want to call them, that speaks for or represents that scale. They are:
HO – Bill Deeter
O – Tim Burlingame
N – Louis O’Day
Tinplate – Bill Shehan and/or John Realini.

These people are aware of their scales’ allocated funds. The following steps should be taken for Club purchases and subsequent reimbursement:
Clearance must be obtained from your ‘Approver’ before the purchase is made.
After the purchase is made, a reimbursement request must be completed and given to the ‘Approver’ with receipts attached.
The ‘Approver’ will approve the reimbursement, deduct the amount from that scales’ allotted funds and give to me for reimbursement.
I will write a reimbursement check for the approved amount.

NOTE: Items should not be purchased by a Club member until appropriate permission is obtained

The ‘Approver’ is responsible for ensuring they do not exceed their allocated amount. Reimbursement requests that exceed the allocated amount will not be made.

The Officers and I have had several meetings to discuss an area that has been and continues to be of concern. It involves timely payment of dues. Currently, the Club has about 45 dues paying members. At the current time, 8 of these members are delinquent from one month to 8 months. The Club’s By-Laws require that the Treasurer report to the Board of Directors the names of members who are over 90 days late in payment of their dues. The Board may take such action as deemed appropriate, such as suspension, expulsion, or withdrawal of Club privileges and use of Club property. Payment of Club dues should be a high priority of Club members. Although the Club is not a ‘business’ per se, we do attempt to operate like a business in that plans are made based on anticipated receipt of income. When the dues are not paid on time, plans have to be revised. Most of you pay your dues on time and I applaud you for this. I know times are rough, but if you can not pay your dues in a timely manner, please contact us and we can make some sort of arrangements. The bulletin board always has the latest print-out of members’ dues.

Expenses of the Club continue to grow. In the ‘Old Days’ the Club used kerosene heaters to warm the place and the Club did not have air conditioning. Many Wednesday evenings in July and August members would show up to work on the layouts only to be sent home because it was simply too hot or too humid. Also, in the ‘Old Days’, kerosene used in the heaters during the winter was very reasonable. Just light a couple heaters and the members would be kept from freezing. Now, we have two large propane heaters and several air conditioners and this adds a significant amount of overhead to the Club. During the period January – April we have spent almost $1,600 for propane and electricity. Purchases for the propane heaters will naturally let up until fall, but the electricity usage will increase significantly for the summer. A couple of years ago, we increased dues to $80 per year to help cover this and operating costs in general, but we need to do more to control costs. If you are the last to leave the Club, be sure the heaters/air conditioners are turned off. We don’t want to cool/heat the Club with no one present. We have had incidences of the heating/air conditioning being left on which means we are wasting money to heat/cool when no one is at the Club. It is up to all of us to watch our costs and economize where we can. The very last thing we want to do is have another dues increase.

I also will be taking over the purchasing of the sodas/water and stocking of the refrigerator. The Club can make a few dollars each month on the sale of sodas/water if all members pay for the items they drink. Recently, I purchased four 12-packs of sodas for $10 from Giant. These drinks could bring in $24, for a profit of $14.00 each time we drink 48 sodas. This won’t exactly make us millionaires, but it all adds up. The Club charges only 50 cents for each drink. If you take a drink, please deposit funds in the container located inside the refrigerator.

In an attempt to bring in cash the Club recently sold aluminum cans and made $6.40. Again, this isn’t much but if we keep it up, it will add up over time. This was suggested by a Club member and it has begun to pay off. At the present time the price for aluminum is probably quite low, but continue to place empty cans in the re-cycle container located at the front entrance and hopefully the price will go back up.

I am trying to think of a way to get on the band wagon and get bail out funds from the Obama administration, but until I can come up with a way we need to watch our costs and be creative about new ways to bring in cash. We are currently exploring several ways of bringing in additional funds. As the ideas come together, we will be asking for everyone’s help in these endeavors. If anyone has any ideas, please let us know.

If you have any questions, please let me know. Thanks for taking time to read this and I am looking forward to handling the financial transactions for the Club.
John Steplowski

Notes about the new Club Web Site
Elmer Mc Kay
If you go to the new web site and into the LAYOUTS section, you will notice that the HO layouts section is more complete that the sections for the other layouts. This is because I have had input and suggestions from the HO group.

To present our best work on the Internet, I need some input from the other Scales. Look through the HO section and see what is there. I am perfectly willing to make the other scales and layouts sections look the same way. For me to do this, I need you to send me the information. If you want the HISTORY of your layout explained on the page, write one and send it to me. If you want to talk about how you OPERATE your layout, write something up and send it to me.

You O Scale guys are going through a building and construction phase right now. Are you taking photos so they can be put on the web site? If not, why not?

I would love to tell the story of your layouts, but I can't make it up, after all, I am a relatively new member and was not here for what has happened and how your layouts have grown and changed

Our web site will be what YOU make it!!!

License Plate Frames
These fit over an automobile license plate. Available in Black or Chrome. The top has “Delmar,
Delaware” engraved on it, the bottom has
“Delmarva Model Railroad Club”. Price for members $15.00, non-members $20.00. Custom orders are accepted.

Club Shirts
Bill Shehan is accepting orders for club shirts. Two styles are available and come in sizes Small to 4XL.
Styles, Sizes and Prices are:

Golf Shirts (Short Sleeve Only)
S, M, L, XL $22.75
2XL $26.25
3XL $28.75
4XL $31.25

Broad Cloth (Long and Short Sleeve)
S, M, L, XL $25.00
2XL $27.50
3XL $30.00
4XL $32.50

Railroading News

Heart of Dixie Railroad Museum plays host to Steam Days

Railroad Museum marks golden age
by Scottie Vickery, News staff writer
May 01, 2009 The Birmingham News Birmingham, Alabama

Those who miss the golden age of steam locomotives will get a chance to relive the glory days this weekend and next.

The Heart of Dixie Railroad Museum in Calera will hold Steam Days on Saturday and Sunday and May 9-10.

The highlight will be six-mile train trips on passenger cars pulled by Flagg Coal No. 75, an operating, coal-fired steam engine on loan to the museum. The rides will be offered six times on each of the four days. Tickets range from $15 to $50.

"This will be the first time since probably the late'40s that a passenger train has been pulled by a steam engine on these tracks," said Barbara Morrow, the corporate secretary for the museum. "This engine has a lot of history."

The 40-ton saddle tank steam locomotive was built in 1930 by Vulcan Iron Works of Wilkes-Barre, Pa. In 1935, it was sold to the Solvay Process Quarry in Jamesville, N.Y., and was used to push carts of rock from the steam shovel to the crusher.

In 1954, it was sold to Stanley Groman of Syracuse, N.Y., who built the Rail City Museum. The engine, along with others, was unloaded on a storage track and remained there untouched for decades.

John and Byron Gramling bought the steam engine in 1991, and the father-son team moved it to their farm shop near Ansley, Ind., and spent 10 years restoring it.

Visitors to the Heart of Dixie Railroad Museum may also take a ride on the museum's Shelby and Southern narrow-gauge steam engine, which formerly was at The Birmingham Zoo. The train runs about every 15 minutes between 9 a.m. and 5 p.m. Tickets for the Shelby and Southern are $4.

"People will have a chance to ride two steam engines in one day," Morrow said. "There are a lot of railroad buffs who love steam engines."


Unattended CSX locomotive derails
May 2, 2009 The Northern Virginia Daily Strasburg, Virginia

WINCHESTER -- An unattended locomotive derailed from its track Friday afternoon and cleanup efforts were expected to last well into the evening, according to a press release from city officials.
The derailment occurred around 3:39 p.m. between the buildings at 126 N. Kent St. and 231 E. Piccadilly St., the release says. The CSX locomotive "suffered a tear, causing a leak in diesel fuel," it says.

Winchester fire and rescue personnel arrived on the scene shortly after the incident occurred, and secured the locomotive and began channeling the fuel. City public works personnel arrived on the scene at about 4:50 p.m. to help dig a reservoir for the fuel, so it could then be pumped off of the ground, the release says.

Officials from CSX were at the scene, the release says, and the reason for the locomotive's movement and derailment was still unknown.

As of 6:30 p.m., Winchester police were diverting traffic from North Kent Street to East Lane, it says, though North Kent Street was expected to be open to traffic "in the coming hours."

Railroad Museum donates Soo locomotive to city
by Amie Jo Schaenzer
May 8, 2009 The Oshkosh Northwestern Oshkosk, Wisconsin

A locomotive that once ran through Oshkosh could be on track to return — this time for good. The National Railroad Museum in Green Bay has offered to donate a 1963 GP-30 Diesel Locomotive to the city for the purpose of displaying in Oshkosh.

The locomotive once ran on the Soo Line Railroad, which passed through the city up until the 1960s.“It’s in good shape and really doesn’t require a lot of work to make it shiny and new-looking, again,” said Mike Tellzrow, executive director of the National Railroad Museum in Green Bay. “We put it up for public sale but were not able to sell it. The ultimate option would have been destruction of the locomotive so we are very happy that the city has an interest in it.”The railroad museum was asking $20,000 for the locomotive, which is basically a “shell” without an engine. Tellzrow said he offered to donate the locomotive to the city when Mayor Paul Esslinger called to show interest in it. Esslinger has placed a resolution on the Oshkosh Common Council’s agenda for Tuesday, asking the city to accept the donation.
“It used to come though Oshkosh and I thought it would be neat to have some of that history back here,” Esslinger said.

Woman sentenced to probation in railroad theft
Associated Press
May 8, 2009 The Chicago Tribune Chicago, Illinois

EDWARDSVILLE, Ill. - A woman caught trying to sell a ton of stolen railroad parts to a salvage yard in the Mississippi River city of Alton has been sentenced to two years of probation. Thirty-seven-year-old Pamela Wright of Alton pleaded guilty last month in Madison County to a felony theft count. Prosecutors charged her last August after investigators say she pilfered 2,000 pounds of railroad parts from along a set of tracks in Granite City. When she tried to sell the Norfolk Southern Corp. parts to a salvage yard, that business told police and Wright was arrested. Investigators say the parts included bags containing hundreds of rail anchors, tie plates and spikes.

Model Railroad Club A Big Hit
by Jane Aldrich
May 8, 2009 Lansing, Michigan

There was a time when almost every little boy had a model train set. The hobby of model railroading may not be as popular to young people now, but for those still riding the rails in miniature, it's big fun. It's a permanent, large scale model railroad track that is complete with cityscapes, outdoor scenes and even remote controls.

Ron St. Laurent, Lansing Model Railroad Club Treasurer: "A model in the '50s wouldn't even compare to what we're running here."

Yes, things have changed a lot through the years for model railroaders as they're called.

Terry Friar, Lansing Model Railroad Club Secretary: "A lot of the small electronics you see in an iPod have really accelerated the whole hobby." It's called a hobby, but members of the Lansing Model Railroad Club take this fun very seriously.

Michael Frezell, Lansing Model Railroad Club President: "It's a very in-depth hobby, people learn about electronics, construction work and very fine detail work."

Terry Friar: "To make it more lifelike, that's what everyone's trying to do."

The Lansing Model Railroad Club has been around since 1963. They have about 800 square feet they work on. 35 members gather once a week to run their trains, enjoy each other and get away from the real world.

Michael Frezell: "t's a great stress relief too. Come in here after a long day or work and then come in here and leave the whole world behind you."

Sounds like a simple way to get back on track when life gets too complicated. If you'd like to learn more about the model railroad club, call 517-347-1831.

Ignoring Railroad Safety Could Cost You
by Israel Balderas
May 12, 2009 KFOX Morning News

A police officer on his motorcycle sits on his idling bike, waiting at a stop light intersection. He waits for the red flashing lights to go off, ready to catch a would-be law breaker. But the lights he focuses on are not those of the closest traffic signal, but rather the red lights that indicate a train approaches. His job is to pull over any hurried drivers who don't wait for the train to pass.

Most drivers see a railroad crossing sign as just another standing post. But those safety signs are there to warn drivers that vehicles can move along only when the tracks are clear. The problem is that rushed drivers often ignore them without much thought. But doing so around town may result in getting pulled over and seeing another kind of flashing lights -- those of police officers.

The El Paso Police Department and public safety officers with Union Pacific work together to remind drivers of the need to obey railroad safety signals. If their own bodily integrity doesn't persuade them to wait, police officers believe traffic tickets and a hefty fine may do the trick. "Unfortunately, all to frequent, one of the reasons why we are out here today is try to promote public safety and good motorist behavior at crossings," said Jay Holman, senior special agent for Union Pacific.

Motorists are urged to obey the law and obey the signs and signals that warn of approaching trains. Just remember -- look, listen and live. These are three simple words that can go a long way to keeping drivers safe and going. "A lot of times, there's always somebody that has the intent to beat the train," said Holman. A lot of times it’s mostly inattention. According to the public officials with Union Pacific, people get focused on day to day errands and then they put themselves in harms way for that quarter second or half second to get across the train tracks.

"We just want drives to take an extra second to think about their safety," said Holman.

Steam locomotives celebrated at new Museum of the Shenandoah Valley exhibit
May 16, 2009

The Museum of the Shenandoah Valley in Winchester has announced a new exhibit, set to open on May 29 in its Changing Exhibition Gallery. "Life Along the Line: Railroad Photography by O. Winston Link," is a collection of historic photographs that recall a time when the sight and sounds of the steam locomotive ruled the land and touched the lives of countless people in many different ways.

“The Norfolk & Western Railroad was the last Class One railroad in America to operate exclusively with steam power,” says Julie Armel, Director of Marketing and Public Relations at the Museum of the Shenandoah Valley. “So when you think of the steam locomotive, that's truly what it is. The big locomotive with the billows of steam coming out of it.”

Between 1955 and 1960, photographer O. Winston Link created images that documented how people lived along and interacted with the Norfolk & Western Railway, the last Class 1 railroad in America to operate exclusively with steam power. This exhibit includes more than 30 photos that capture life along the Norfolk & Western Railroad from 1955-1960, at the tail-end of the heyday of the steam locomotive.

“They are just amazing pictures. Link was very well known for the photographs that he took at night. There are some fantastic shots -- some in the Valley, some in other parts of Virginia. Anyone who is interested in photography, trains, or that time period in America might be very happy to see this exhibit,” Armel says. Many of the photos are on display to the public for the first time.

Today Link’s work is hailed as one of the best records of this long-vanished way of life, and the haunting images he took at night have become especially acclaimed.

Armel says there are some wonderful pictures of Americana and amazing technical work. She describes one photograph of Link and an assistant that shows all of the flash bulbs that they had to use to take the nighttime photographs.“You see a train at night in the background, and in the foreground there's a classic 1950s-era car and a couple at a drive-in movie theater. Or there's a wonderful picture of a family playing in the water at Hawksbill Creek in Luray with a Norfolk & Western on a bridge going over the creek.”Life Along the Line will remain on view in the Changing Exhibition Gallery through August 2, 2009.
Admission to the museum is free to MSV members, otherwise regular gallery admission rates apply. Armel noted that the museum staff will assist people who may have limited time schedules and may not be able to see all that the museum has to offer. For example, the museum staff may suggest a tour itinerary that only includes the museum galleries or the gardens, or just a house tour and the gardens. The museum is open year-round, and the house and gardens are open March through November. All are open 10 a.m. to 4 p.m., Tuesday through Sunday; closed Mondays and major holidays.

To celebrate the 40th anniversary of the Virginia is for Lovers slogan, the museum is offering a special until the end of 2009: For every three tickets the visitor purchases, the fourth is free. Admission is always free to the museum galleries Wednesday mornings from 10 a.m. until noon. For more information, visit the Museum of the Shenandoah Valley online, at

For A Laugh (emails from internet friends)

Cancel your credit card before you die

Now some people are really stupid!!!! Be sure and cancel your credit cards before you die. This is so priceless, and so, so easy to see happening, customer service being what it is today.

A lady died this past January, and Citibank billed her for February and March for their annual service charges on her credit card, and added late fees and interest on the monthly charge. The balance had been $0.00 when she died, but now somewhere around $60.00. A family member placed a call to Citibank.

Here is the exchange :

Family Member: 'I am calling to tell you she died back in January.'

Citibank: 'The account was never closed and the late fees and charges still apply.'

Family Member: 'Maybe, you should turn it over to collections.'

Citibank: 'Since it is two months past due, it already has been.'

Family Member: So, what will they do when they find out she is dead?'

Citibank: 'Either report her account to frauds division or report her to the credit bureau, maybe both!'

Family Member: 'Do you think God will be mad at her?'

Citibank: 'Excuse me?'

Family Member: 'Did you just get what I was telling you - the part about her being dead?'

Citibank: 'Sir, you'll have to speak to my supervisor.'

Supervisor gets on the phone:

Family Member: 'I'm calling to tell you, she died back in January with a $0 balance.'

Citibank: 'The account was never closed and late fees and charges still apply.'

Family Member: 'You mean you want to collect from her estate?'

Citibank: (Stammer) 'Are you her lawyer?'

Family Member: 'No, I'm her great nephew.' (Lawyer info was given)

Citibank: 'Could you fax us a certificate of death?'

Family Member: 'Sure.' (Fax number was given )

After they get the fax :

Citibank: 'Our system just isn't setup for death. I don't know what more I can do to help..'

Family Member: 'Well, if you figure it out, great! If not, you could just keep billing her. She won't care.'

Citibank: 'Well, the late fees and charges will still apply.' (What is wrong with these people?!?)

Family Member: 'Would you like her new billing address?'

Citibank: 'That might help...'Family Member: ' Odessa Memorial Cemetery , Highway 129, Plot Number 69.'

Citibank: 'Sir, that's a cemetery!'

Family Member: 'And what do you do with dead people on your planet???'

(Priceless!!) You wondered why Citi is going broke and need the feds to bail them out!!

Texas Ingenuity
I have a friend who is president of his homeowners association in the Dallas, Texas suburbs. They were having a terrible problem with litter near some of his association’s homes. The reason according to Wallace (my friend) is that six very large, luxurious new houses are being built right next to their community.

The trash was coming from the Mexican laborers working at the construction sites and included bags from McDonald’s, Burger King and 7-11, plus coffee cups, napkins, cigarette butts, coke cans, empty bottles, etc. He went to see the site supervisor and even the general contractor, politely urging them to get their workers not to litter the neighborhood, to no avail. He called the city, county, and police and got no help there either.So here’s what his community did. They organized about twenty folks, named themselves the "Inner Neighborhood Services” group, and arranged to go out at lunch time and “police" the trash themselves. It is what they did while picking up the trash that is so hilarious. They bought navy blue baseball caps and had the initials "INS" embroidered in gold on the caps. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to understand what they hoped people might mistakenly think the letters really stand for.After the Inner Neighborhood Services group's first lunch time pickup detail, with all of them wearing their caps and some carrying cameras, 46 out of the total of 68 construction workers did not show up for work the next morning -- and haven't come back yet. It has been ten days now.

The General Contractor, I'm told, is madder than hell, but can’t say anything publicly because he could be busted for hiring illegal aliens. Wallace and his bunch can't be accused of impersonating federal personnel, because they have the official name of the group recorded in their homeowner association minutes along with a notation about the vote to approve formation of the new subcommittee -- and besides, they informed the INS in advance of their plans and according to Wallace, the INS said basically, "Have at it!"

40 Things You Will Never Hear A Redneck Say

40. Oh I just couldn't. Heck, she's only sixteen.

39. I'll take Shakespeare for 1000, Alex.

38. Duct tape won't fix that.

37. Lisa Marie was lucky to catch Michael.

36. Come to think of it, I'll have a Heineken.

35. We don't keep firearms in this house.

34. Has anybody seen the sideburns trimmer?

33. You can't feed that to the dog.

32. I thought Graceland was tacky.

31. No kids in the back of the pickup, it's just not safe.

30. Wrasslin's fake.

29. Honey, did you mail that donation to Greenpeace?

28. We're vegetarians.

27. Do you think my gut is too big?

26. I'll have grapefruit and grapes instead of biscuits and gravy.

25. Honey, we don't need another dog.

24. Who's Richard Petty?

23. Give me the small bag of pork rinds.

22. Too many deer heads detract from the decor.

21. Spittin is such a nasty habit.

20. I just couldn't find a thing at Walmart today.

19. Trim the fat off that steak.

18. Cappuccino tastes better than espresso.

17. The tires on that truck are too big.

16. I'll have the arugula and radicchio salad.

15. I've got it all on the C drive.

14. Unsweetened tea tastes better.

13. Would you like your salmon poached or broiled?

12. My fiance, Bobbie Jo, is registered at Tiffany's.

11. I've got two cases of Zima for the Super Bowl.

10. Little Debbie snack cakes have too many fat grams.

9. Checkmate.

8. She's too young to be wearing a bikini.

7. Does the salad bar have bean sprouts?

6. Hey, here's an episode of "Hee Haw" that we haven't seen.

5. I don't have a favorite college team.

4. Be sure to bring my salad dressing on the side.

3. I believe you cooked those green beans too long.

2. Those shorts ought to be a little longer, Darla.

1. Nope, no more for me. I'm drivin’ tonight.

You think you were having a bad day?????

A short guy is sitting at a bar just staring at his drink for half an hour when this big trouble-making biker steps next to him, grabs his drink, gulps it down in one swig and then turns to the guy with a menacing stare as if to say, 'What'cha gonna do about it?"

The poor little guy starts crying.

"Come on man, I was just giving you a hard time," the biker says. "I didn't think you'd CRY. I can't stand to see a man crying."

"This is the worst day of my life," says the little guy between sobs. "I can't do anything right. I overslept and was late to an important meeting, so my boss fired me. When I went to the parking lot, I found my car was stolen and I don't have any insurance. I left my wallet in the cab I took home." He continues crying even harder.

"Then I found my wife in bed with the gardener and my dog bit me. So, I came to this bar trying to work up the courage to put an end to my life, and then you show up and drink the damn poison."

Up-Coming Shows in the Area

National Collectors Club Train Show – July 12, 2009, Wayne P.A.L. Hall, Wayne NJ. All Gauges from Z to O, Hess Trucks, Die Cast, Test Track, Train Doctor, FREE parking. 9am-2pm. $5.00, Children under 10 Free with parent. For info: John @ 732-845-5966. Future show dates for 2009, Nov 8, Dec 27.

National Collectors Club Train Show – July 19, 2009, Brick Elks Lodge, Brick NJ. All Gauges from Z to O, Hess Trucks, Die Cast, Test Track, Train Doctor, FREE parking. 9am-2pm. $5.00, Children under 10 Free with parent. For info: John @ 732-845-5966. Future show dates for 2009, Nov 1, and Jan 3, 2010.

Great Scale Model Train Show – June 27-28, 2009, Maryland State Fairgrounds, Timonium, MD. All scales Z to G, Large White Elephant sales area, FREE train movies, Free parking. Saturday 9am-4pm, Sunday 10am-4pm. Adults $9.00, Children under 15, free. For info: Howard @ 410-730-1036 or email at:

Tidewater Division Model Railroaders 2009 Model Train Show & Sale - September 19-20, 2009, Virginia Beach Convention Center. 1000 19th Street, Virginia Beach VA. Operation layouts, Train Doctor, Test Track, Train Sets, Scenery Supplies, BSA Merit Badge for Railroading, Memorabilia, White Elephant tables. $7.00, children under 12 free with parent, Scouts in uniform with Scout Leaders in uniform admitted FREE. For info: 757-426-2811 or email